As we go into this step we must remember to stay connected to a higher power and have faith that the previous eight steps have prepared us to work the Ninth Step. When it comes to making amends living amends to others, there are usually a lot of fears and expectations involved. We may be afraid about making financial amends, or afraid of rejection, retaliation and a host of other doubtful outcomes.

Before approaching Step 9, you need to complete the inventory in Step 8. This is a list of all of the people in your life whom you believe you have harmed. It can be a challenging list to write, even for those who want to embrace forgiveness and inner peace—but the list is important. It represents many of the feelings and struggles you’ve had. By working through the list in Step 9 and making amends to each person named there, you will restore a piece of yourself with each conversation. In a Psychology Today article, Winch also explained that guilt and shame play a large part in the struggle to apologize.

Advance directive forms

An Alcoholics Anonymous program is a popular choice for people wanting to start a free 12-step program to help them make progress in their recovery journey. Making amends requires the individual to correct their mistake.

What is the difference between apologizing and making amends?

Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words. When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles.

Although it will be difficult to bring up some of the things you did in the past, they will no doubt appreciate your efforts and courage in facing them. This causes those who have become addicted to do and say things that they wouldn’t normally do, which inevitably leads to strained and broken relationships. I tend to hide the memory of past transgressions under the ever-handy umbrella of « Didn’t do it if I don’t remember ». Since I spent years in a boozy haze all sorts of hurts were ignored. Making amends may seem like a bitter pill to swallow, but for those serious about recovery, it can be good medicine for the spirit and the soul. Verywell Mind’s content is for informational and educational purposes only. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Is My Apology Too Late?

You, at least, have done your best and can now move on. Completing Step 9 is the next step forward in recovery, regardless of how the other person responds. It would be nice if the above outcomes were universal—but they aren’t . Making amends won’t necessarily play out like the ending of a Hallmark movie. Sometimes, the outcome can be uglier and downright disappointing. They may refuse to meet at all or refuse to listen to what you have to say. Some of these same things can happen to the other person in the process.

Categories: Sober living